Harlequin
by Jedi Alice
Summary: When the Jokers find their infant Outsider daughter abandoned by her mother in their forest, how will they go about raising her? They don't know the first thing about babies! But they can't just leave her. After all, they're the only family they've got... and their only chance of finally being relieved of the roles they've carried for 300 years.
1. Abandoned Child

**My attempt at writing a Joker story with them as the good guys... sorta. I my self am no fan of Joker, but I'm trying to be nice and write them a good story so PLEASE cut me a little slack if I slip up and suddenly make Joker seem horrible. Now, on with this inevitable train wreck. And no, it's not in Diamond Country.**

 **Harlequin**

 **Starring Joker and OC**

 **Genre: Humor/Family**

 **Chapter 1: Abandoned Child**

 **White Joker's POV:**

 **Another flawless performance** drew to a close as I bowed, bidding the other role-Holders fair-well. I'd added a few new performances today in hopes of entertaining my peers, but to my great disappointment, only the Bloody Twins and the Cheshire Cat had seemed excited. The Dormouse had been cowering behind Gowland's chair, white all the others looked extremely bored - the Hatter worst of all. He'd simply pulled his gaudy hat over his eyes and fallen asleep, only to be woken up by Elliot when the show ended.

I couldn't understand it. How hard was it to entertain a few Role-Holders?! Am I losing my touch?

"Yeah, probably," My counterpart said as he emerged from the shadows. "We've been doing our f***ing jobs for a long time now, longer than the current Role-Holders f***ing know. Even the damn prisoners don't scream like they used to. Maybe the time's coming to get some f***ing new blood in here."

"Perhaps," I said. "But it's a lot easier said than done, my dear Joker. The ones cast as Joker are not easily killed, and therefore not easily replaced. Only the 'Star of the Show' can kill us, and every game, the Outsider either ends up locked up, dies for one reason or another, or leaves. There's even been the rare few that don't even stay long enough to meet us. Unless a new Outsider with a thirst for blood comes in next and kills us both, we're stuck here. And as that's not very likely to happen any time soon, we may as well try to enjoy our line of work."

"I don't like it, but I guess we've got no other damn choice," my counterpart sighed in frustration. "I'm gonna go for a walk, blow off some f***ing steam."

I nodded in acknowledgement, then went back to the now-empty big-top to oversee the clean-up. About five minutes later, I was taken off-guard by a feeling of curiosity and suspicion, followed by sudden terror as Black yelled "WHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITE!" through the mask on our belts that we used to communicate with when we were a long distance apart. This could be amusing at the very least, so I decided to investigate. When I found him, he was standing in a pile of corpses dressed in the drab prison uniforms and animal masks, with the idiot knight and the gloomy Clockmaker. Blood was splattered everywhere, creating a beautiful abstract work of art across the small clearing. All three were splattered with red, but they were too busy staring at something in the very middle of the massacre to notice.

I tried to connect with Black, but he seemed to be too freaked out to clearly pick up on his thoughts. Instead, I simply moved to my counterpart's side. I almost immediately understood his panic as I saw the thing we were all staring at.

"THERE'S A FUCKING BRAT IN THAT THING!" he yelled, his visible eye wide with uncharacteristic fear.

"A child?" I rephrased, moving toward the basket. I opened it, and indeed, there was a tiny baby wrapped in a red and black harlequin-patterned fleece blanket, a black bonnet covering its scalp while a few locks of ruby-red hair poked out the sides. There was something very, very familiar about the shape of the child's face, and as I reached down to take it out of the basket, it opened it's wine-red eyes smiled up at me, but it's smile wasn't exactly warm.

"Whoa, this kid smiles just like you, Mr. Joker," Ace said, but for once, he wasn't wearing a smile. In fact, he looked creeped out. "That's really creepy, actually."

"It looks like an infantile version of Joker," the Clockmaker agreed, scrutinizing the child's features, before glaring up at me. "Bastard, did you impregnate the last Outsider before Alice arrived?!"

Ah, her. Black and I had good times with that one, before she decided she'd had enough of Wonderland and used a Door to return to the Outside world. This child indeed had her facial structure and my red hair and eyes. Could this really be my child?

Come to think of it, the past Outsider and I never used protection. Neither did Black.

"Perhaps we did," I said, enjoying the horrified look on Black's face as I spoke. "If this child belongs to who I think it does, then it's more than likely ours. But how did she get here, and what's she doing out here?"

"I was wandering around when I saw Mr. Joker chasing these jerks," Ace said. "They were carrying the basket, talking about hurting the kid or using it against you guys. They said it's a girl."

"I can't believe that bitch just abandoned my kid in my forest like this," Black fumed. "It's f***ing dangerous out here!"

"We're lucky these lowlifes didn't hurt her," I said, checking her and the basket for something to identify her. I could feel a tiny heartbeat from her. She was an Outsider like her mother, so she had to have a name. However, there was nothing in the basket, no little necklace or bracelet with her name on it. She was as nameless at a faceless.

"Can I name her? Please?!" Ace pleaded, gazing at my little girl like she was a unicorn.

"I don't see why not." I said with a shrug.

"If you try to name my kid something stupid, I'll shove that sword of yours where the sun don't shine!" my counterpart snarled.

"Well, since she's the daughter of a clown, why not call her Harlequin?" the knight suggested. "You could call her Harley for short!"

Black, Julius, and I stared at him in amazement. The idiot Knight of Hearts had actually said something intelligent. That has to be a first!

"What do you think, little one?" I asked my daughter, tickling her tummy to get a laugh out of her. "Would you like to be called Harley? My little Harlequin?"

"Dah!" the girl squealed cutely. I couldn't help but notice the warm smile that the Knight and the Clockmaker shared. It seemed she was already melting their clocks.

"Harley it is, then!" I said cheerfully. Then Black and I glared at our subordinates. "You will mention this to no one, not even Alice," I said, smiling sadistically. "Am I clear?"

"I won't say a word about the cute little baby girl Joker illegitimately hade with the last Outsider," Ace said, earning a knock over the head with the wrench Julius always carried.

"Shut up, idiot," he said coldly, before glancing our way. "I heard nothing, and I saw nothing, because I was never here." he said, before turning to leave.

"Good man!" said, before returning to the Circus to introduce my daughter to our workers, and let them know that if any harm came to her, they'd face the wrath of both the Jester and the Warden.

After she'd been fed and her diaper changed, I tucked her into the crib and kissed her goodnight. How could I not love my child? I looked over my shoulder, saw Black smiling warmly at her. "Well, when I said we needed some new blood around here, I wasn't expecting this," he admitted. "But this is better than anything I ever suspected."

I nodded as we turned our gaze back to our daughter.

"W _e_ L _c_ O _m_ E _tO W_ o _N_ d _E_ r _L_ a _Nd,_ H _a_ R _l_ E _q_ U _i_ N _._ "


	2. 2 A Strange Child Indeed

**Thank you to my good friend xStaticxTelevisionx for some tips on how to proceed with the story! I hope you like the direction I'm taking with this think. Again, keep in mind that I personally HATE Joker, and if I were ever to visit Wonderland during April Season, I'd probably be the one to kill him once and for all, consequences be damned! But I'm trying to be fair, because not even Joker is cruel and evil at all times. He may be the main antagonist, but even he has a heart, so to speak. So let's get this thing going, before I regret it.**

 **Chapter 2**

 **A Strange Child Indeed**

 **Black's POV:**

 **If those f***ers hadn't broken out of the Prison, my kid would be dead right now.** It was bad enough Julia had left the way she did, no goodbyes, no notice, not even a damn note. But then she just drops my kid into the damn forest without even a little protection?! What the f*** was that bitch thinking?!

I didn't have time to worry about that. I had to find a way to integrate Harley into the Prison Realm without scarring her for life too much. F***, this wasn't gonna be easy. I didn't know much about babies, just that the eat, sleep, and poop, and cry to communicate a need or discomfort. How the Hell am I supposed to keep the screams of the prisoners from scaring her?! I have to do my job, whether it scares her or not.

Imagine my surprise when Clown told me that Harley had actually been lulled asleep by the screams. How the f*** was that even possible?! But sure enough, when I checked up on her after torturing some bastard during her nap, I came to her little room and found her fast asleep, a cute, blissful smile on her face.

I was starting to feel creeped out by my own kid.

As the time-periods went by, we found out she was even stranger than we first expected. Not only did she seem to like the sounds of blood-curdling screams, but when I had Clown bring her down to the Prison two weeks after finding her to see her first interrogation, she _laughed_ at the poor f***er's agonized screams, before she said her first word.

 **"DIE!"**

Clown and I stared at her in shock. I'd expected her first word to be "Dada," and direct it at either me or the Clown. This... was unexpected. But not necessarily bad. It meant that she'd be able to handle this shit when she grew up some. It'd only be a matter of time until she'd be able to do this shit, herself.

At that point, it'd just be a matter of how sadistic her brand of torture would be. I was looking forward to it. I couldn't hold back a sadistic grin. "Hear that, bastard? Little Harley wants you dead. I'm all too happy to give my little girl whatever she wants."

The moment the f***er died at my hands, Harley gave a delighted giggle, then struck a comical death-pose: eyes rolled back, tongue lolling, limbs splayed, the whole enchilada. "Hahaha, you're so silly, little Harlequin," Clown said with a smile, tickling her as she dropped the act and giggled gleefully. "Such a strange child, indeed! What in Wonderland did your mother do to you to make you love the screams of the damned like this?"

"Isn't it obvious?" I asked, patting Harley's head. "She's a Joker! Comedy and torture are in her blood! And I'll be damned if she doesn't turn out to be one of the best damn Jokers in Wonderland's history."

"My thoughts exactly," Clown agreed. "Now, let's see how she reacts to the Circus!" He carried her back up to the Big Top, leaving me to clean up the mess I'd made.

Damn, blood stains are a bitch.

* * *

White's POV:

"AWWW! She's so cute!" the faceless jester girl exclaimed adoringly.

"Is she gonna join the Circus when she gets older, boss?" the little jester boy asked as Harlequin swiped his hat. "Hey! Give that back!"

I couldn't help but chuckle as Harley tried it on. It was so adorably large on her, it covered her entire head! She then took it off with one hand, a bored look on her face, before saying "Boo." and letting it fall, clearly displeased that it didn't fit.

"Here, sweetie, this might fit a bit better," I said, snapping my fingers. A red-and-black jester hat with white pom-poms appeared on her little head, and she squealed and clapped with delight. "I knew you'd like it! And to answer your question, that'll be entirely up to her. Though, she's already shown a great deal of interest in the Warden's line of work, but we'll just see how it goes! Now, I need you two to watch over her while I get everything ready for the next Circus show. She is _not_ to be injured in any way, or you'll have to face the wrath of my darker counterpart. Understood?"

"You got it, boss!" the little clowns said happily. I carefully handed her over to them, then left her to supervise the setup.

Tick-tock

When I returned to pick up my daughter, the jester children were in an exhausted sleep, and Harlequin was drawing on their faces with a water-based marker. "Naughty little girl," I said affectionately as I picked her up. "You're on your way to being the next Joker." It was more than amusing that she was already so smart and mischivious, considering she was only a couple weeks old at most. I wasn't sure what season she'd been born during in her mother's world, thus, I decided to take her around to the other territories to see which she liked best. The season she chose would be where her birthday would be celebrated from now on.

I soon found that she _hated_ summer for it's heat, for she flopped lifelessly in my arms, looking like she was going to melt into a puddle of goo.

She hated winter even more, shivering like crazy.

While she seemed to like the flowers in the spring domain, she couldn't stop sneezing!

Finally, we arrived in the Autumn domain, which proved to delight her at every turn. The huge orange Maple leaves filled her with awe, and she looked at the Halloween costumes with deep interest. Not to mention how she drooled at the scent of pumpkin pies coming from the bakeries. Yep. She was an Autumn baby!

We were about to return to the Circus, when I spotted Dee and Dum out of the corner of my eye. I knew I had to hide little Harley from them. It didn't matter much if they "killed" me, because I'd just come back without the slightest scratch, but if they hurt Harley...

No, I couldn't allow that to happen! She'd be gone forever! I quickly returned to the Big Top, glad those identical twits hadn't seen my precious child. I knew she'd have to meet everyone eventually, but she was far too young to be exposed to the dangers of this world just yet. That was a drawback to my sweet little girl still being so young. She couldn't hold a weapon, and couldn't defend herself. All she could do was scream and cry if someone upset her or hurt her. Not that I'd ever allow that, but I wasn't taking any chances.

Harlequin was my daughter, and I'd die 10,000,000 times before I let harm come to her!

* * *

 **Five years later...**

 **Third-person POV:**

 **The time changes came and went,** and little by little, Harlequin began to grow up into an adorable little imp of a girl. by the time the equivalent of 5 years passed, she'd been taught by the Jester kids how to throw knives to protect herself, and was already learning how to torture prisoners and walk on the tight-rope. Despite enjoying her Father's lines of work, she wanted to see the world around her. Being cooped up in the Big-Top or in the Jail was making her stir-crazy!

Finally, on her 5th birthday, Joker decided Harley was old enough to go and explore. This, of course, was music to the little Outsider's ears, and after running around, squealing with absolute delight, she hurried to her room to pick out her favorite outfit: a black Lolita dress, harlequin-patterned tights, and blood-red Mary Janes. Before she left the Prison Realm, her father came to see her off.

"Now Harley, remember what we told you to do?" The Jester side asked.

"Uh-huh! Stay on the side-walk, don't talk to the Faceless, avoid the Hatters at all costs, and don't let Bid Brother Ace take me on any short-cuts or camping trips," she said cutely.

"Damn straight," the Warden agreed. "And don't forget, if you get into trouble, you can use this to contact me or the Clown. We'll come running. Remember the code-words?" he asked, fastening a choker with a clown mask and three tiny roses to her neck.

"Hearts if I get caught in one of the other territories during a night-period, Spade if I run into the Hatters, Clover if I get caught in a shoot-out, and Diamond if someone tries to kidnap me." Harley said, her dads nodding as she got every one correct.

"Alright, go have your fun," the Warden said, as Harley took off with a shriek of glee.

"Think she'll be okay?"

"Probably."

"Should we follow her?"

"Hell, yes!

* * *

 **A/N: Well, at least Joker knows better than to let his little girl run around in Wonderland alone! Which territory should she visit first? Hatters'? The Castle? The Tower? The Park? It's up to you, everyone!**


End file.
